I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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