im about as happy as oj after his trial
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
