I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
this boner is exhausting
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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