i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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