Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
