Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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