He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So squirting runs in the family.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
