So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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