I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
