My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
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dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
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BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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