OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
