so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
