you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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