did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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