I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
