Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
