I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
