So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
