watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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