I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
