This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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