We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
