i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
