I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
