OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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