Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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