the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
