I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
