you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
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