I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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