she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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