I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
