Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
