By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
