Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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