id be glad to
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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