Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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