Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
