you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
