We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
