Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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