i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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