We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
