the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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