I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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