There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
