his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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