my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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