So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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