There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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