Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
how do flat chested girls get laid?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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