I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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