hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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Going to get a "plan B"urrito
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
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Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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