Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
