No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
