the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My life is pants optional.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
