I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
