Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
