Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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