so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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