Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
