wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My pussy is not your playground.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
