hotel room ftw
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
