i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
