i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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