i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
