Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
