i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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