if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
