Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
