If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm just crazy horny about you
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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