my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
