why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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