he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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